


thank you

by jxshujiwxnu



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Growing Up is Hard, Hospitals, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Love at First Sight, M/M, MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, Mention of Mental Health Issues, Smoking, Soft af, Texting, acurate tags lmao, i love some drama, it might be hella sad tho, mention of anorexia, other tags will be added when i dont suck at it anymore, the description sucks, this is some really cute shit actually, trust me this is better than it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxshujiwxnu/pseuds/jxshujiwxnu
Summary: “so, jinyoung, why are you here?”or jinson meeting at a hospital and clicking right away
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Park Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	thank you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lovejinson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovejinson/gifts).



> hi, hello, welcome back or welcome in general if this is your first time with me :3 another gift for my beautiful best friend who needed a bit of motivation~ 
> 
> this is pretty much about growing up and the troubles we all faced or might face in life, i hope you enjoy this~ 
> 
> also- im putting a trigger warning here, as mentioned mental health issues like anorexia will be mentioned here.

life pretty much was a mess. 

he had left his fiance after finding out about his cheating, leaving the engagement ring on his table one morning before leaving with a bag full of clothes. 

luckily they hadn’t moved in yet, that dick had always insisted on staying alone as long as he could - privacy was important he had said, something he couldn’t dispense with. 

he hated his job to say the least, his co-workers giving him the feeling of being a failure, his chef usually only telling how much better everyone else did, though he was the one staying all day and night, he was the one doing all the little bullshit tasks no one else felt responsible for. but who was he to complain, he earned good money, he needed it. 

he hadn’t had the right education to just go get another job, hadn’t had the money to go learn something new. and he had no one to lean on, sure there were a few friends but no one trust worthy enough to lean on, to trust it all to. 

he had been hurt a lot of times, he couldn’t risk it. 

his parents - well his father long gone, probably dead already but he didn’t know, last time he saw him was being kicked out by his mother, a bottle of soju in his hands, his eyes clouded. he was 12 back then. 

his mother on the other hand had been tricked into something she denied to talk about which made her lose a shit ton of money. so he supported her already and couldn’t really focus on himself right now. 

the first and only break he got was during his stay at the hospital - nothing too severe. 

he had been struggling with his joints in his shoulder and the knees as well, it wouldn’t stop hurting so they made a few tests, telling him it was probably the loss of food due to a diet, the excessive amount of sport he did, the stress. 

they kept him there for a few days to just monitor his behaviour and vitals for a while. it was terribly boring to say the least. he mostly laid in bed, writing, drawing or taking photos as far as he could, reading one book after another. 

he sighed putting the one in his hands down, something his friend had recommended to him, poetry, heavy literature, hard to understand but enjoyable to read anyways. he placed his glasses next to the small book, before getting out of the bed, stretching a bit. 

a few weeks ago - maybe even a month or so - he had finally had the courage to apply for a few internships and apprenticeships somewhere else than in his current professional branch. not like he didn’t like what he was doing but the thing was, he knew, he felt it in his bones, that he was supposed to do more than that. 

so he applied to quite a few different places, all kind of things, photographers, artists of all kinds, he was so passionate about it, he wanted to show it to others than himself. 

and this very morning there was an answer. 

and not just any answer, not the kind ‘sorry but someone else is more qualified than you’ that he was so used to read by now, no. 

they had asked him to come meet them, introduce himself in person, they wanted to get to know him. 

and that’s when the panic started to kick in. 

it was one thing thinking about making this step, another thing actually applying for it but making the step to really go there? talk to them? maybe even be the one they were looking for? 

ridiculous, he thought, they would laugh at him for being so silly, for thinking his stuff was actually good. 

hilarious, they’d say. 

he actually needed to get his head off those thoughts right now, that’s when he grabbed his e-cigarette, hid it in the huge sweatpants he was wearing and left the cozy room. 

it was colder in the aisles of the hospital, the walls bright and white, staring at him, as if they told him how much he does not belong here. 

and he didn’t, he wasn’t sick or something, just stressed and sleep deprived, most likely about to slip into very bad habits if not for his doctor to care. 

like he really did. good old man, seriously, he had been breaking down a lot lately and that kind man always took his time to listen, to help him as far as he was able to, to talk him out of bad thoughts and into seeking help. 

that’s how he ended up here. 

the black haired male stepped into the elevator, wrapping the bathrobe-like coat more around himself as he leaned a bit against the wall, waiting for the numbers on top to count down to one. 

the way down was interrupted by quite a few stops, people came and left, only a muscular, really manly looking male stayed, his hair was a bright brown colour, it looked soft and fluffy, he had almost reached out to touch it. 

the doors opened only seconds later, the smaller male giving him a slight smile before asking him to go first. his voice was deep and husky, he had some cannula in his hand, the hosepipe leading up to a bottle with some clear liquid in it, his fingers tightly wrapped around the steel IV pole. 

jinyoung bowed just a bit before passing through the doors and finally seeing the exit. he breathed in as he finally left the hospital, the cold air filling his lungs, burning just a bit, his eyes teary from the wind. he made his way over to a bench he had sat in quite a lot throughout the time he was here already. 

it was just a few days, maybe two or three and he had to stay another four or something. depending on how good or bad the process was. 

he grabbed his cigarette, taking a deep pull of it. the strawberry flavour spread through his mouth, the first pull always being a bit hot, leaving his mouth tingly and him coughing a bit when he puffed out the smoke. 

“you’re new to this, huh?” the familiar face from the elevator appeared again, the same smug smile on his plump lips, “smoking?” 

he thought about it for a second. “you’re right. but we’re getting there, i guess.” a high pitched laugh left his lips. “you must hear this a lot but leave it. it will only harm you.” the black haired shrugged a bit. “it’s no nicotine. it’s really not all too bad.” 

and the other male with the pretty brown eyes, matching to his hair, was left nodding again. “i’m jackson by the way.” 

the black haired whose eyes never had left the smaller one, who was sitting down next to him now, hesitated only for the blink of an eye before replying, “jinyoung.” 

it turned quite, something jinyoung was all too familiar with. awkward silence was the word people would use the most, in terms of him, he wasn’t good at talking, more of a loner, loving to be back in his cave, rather expressing himself differently than with spoken words. 

“so, jinyoung, why are you here?” jackson’s eyes found his own, when he took another deep pull of the device in his hand, the smoke now also tingling in the nose of the man next to him. “just some monitoring. they’re like- worried about my mental and physical health?” 

jackson nodded a bit. “i mean, you started smoking, that’s a sign.” 

jinyoung barfed out a laugh, hiding it behind his hand, his eyes turning small, wrinkles building up around it. it was as if jackson got infected by it, also letting out another high pitched laugh. 

both of them not really knowing what was that funny. jackson’s statement actually was even kind of true, jinyoung really had started to smoke to get his mind off of things, to just relax. it really kind of helped, it was weird but it did. 

“what about you?” it was not on jinyoung to ask the pretty male. but he just shrugged a bit. 

“nothing severe either. just some tumor they got rid of - sounds worse than it is.” the taller male’s eyes widened at the words. “but enough from me,” he said as if they had talked about him for hours, “why is your mental and physical health endangered, huh? what bothers a pretty and handsome young man like you?” 

jinyoung felt his face heat up at the compliment, giggling a bit again, not hiding the toothy smile behind his hand this time. “it’s just the overall situation,” he said, wondering about himself how he was that open towards a total stranger. 

but it wasn’t like they would meet again, right? 

the other and he himself would probably be dismissed within a week or so, both living their probably total different lives. 

the brown haired male was probably some kind of businessman, jinyoung thought, he looked like he could sell stuff well, talking people into buying a washing machine or a refrigerator without effort. jinyoung definitely would but both. 

he was great at building up a conversation, it wasn’t awkward talking to him, he didn’t felt weird talking about his problems at work and home, about his worries and sorrows, he didn’t even mind his tears spilling over this one time, even being thankful for the hand jackson offered him. 

so the sun was about to go down, the temperature falling rapidly when they still sat there, jinyoung's fingers caressing the soft skin of the other male’s hand, playing with the adhesive pad that kept the needle under his skin. 

“you shouldn’t worry too much,” jackson had said, giving his a smile, making the other feel light-headed, as if he was high. his smile was intoxicating, he felt inspired, as if he could do it all. “they wouldn’t have asked you to meet them, if they didn’t mean it. they won’t laugh at you, i am sure your work is incredible, just as deep and meaningful as all the words you said to me today.” 

jinyoung only blushed darker. it was true though, they had sat there quite a while, sharing thoughts about the latest happenings in seoul, some political stuff, drifting into racism and the bad treatment towards people who identified with anything else than being a heterosexual man or woman. 

they had clicked right away, jinyoung hadn’t felt bad for bluntly saying his opinion, how he feels like that everyone should be able to live just as they please, no matter if they have a white, black or even green skin colour, how you can identify as whatever you want, no matter if you’re a woman, a man or none of both. if one identify as a cat, well do so, as long as they’re happy. 

both of them had laughed about this before getting serious again, wording how it wasn’t important if one felt attracted towards men, women, both or none, they could love a cactus as long as it’s consensual. 

“you’re right,” jinyoung hummed, smiling a bit, “thanks for your encouraging words jackson-ssi.” 

the latter laughed again. “drop the formalities. you hadn’t called me that all day, why all of sudden?” it wasn’t an actual question, he continued right after, “i would really like to listen to you again, when you had that interview.” 

and jinyoung nodded. “i’d love to talk to you again anytime soon.” 

so jackson saved his number into jinyoung’s phone, telling him to text him whenever he felt like it before excusing himself, getting back up and inside of the hospital again. 

jinyoung followed not long after, just watching the sun disappear between the houses along the horizon before heading back to his room and into his bed. 

only two days after he was finally able to leave again, his mental state seemed to bloom after his talk to jackson, along with his physical complaints. it still hurt but he felt a lot better, he didn’t feel like not getting out of bed anymore, he didn’t feel useless and lost anymore. 

and jackson had been right, his interview being a week later, everything working out just perfectly fine. the people there were pleased to meet him, his work and words touching them just as jackson had foreseen it. jinyoung felt so confident, so happy. 

“usually we don’t tell the participants right away,” one of the older men said, brushing his palm against the stubbles on his chin, “but i guess i’m talking for all of us when i say that this was by far one of the best interviews we ever had.” 

jinyoung was far more than happy, texting jackson only seconds after leaving the what felt oh so crowded room, while there had been only him and four or five other men. 

he had waited for a reply before texting again, calling even but after a whole twenty four hours of no replies he decided to visit jackson again, it was a huge hospital for sure but how many jackson’s could be there? not like it was a common name in korea. 

“hello, i am a friend of jackson- i don’t know his lastname but, uh, he said he was here because of a tumor? a bit smaller than me, hair brown, eye’s too. muscle guy, really hot, if you ask me- ah excuse me.” he blushed a bit, before continuing. “he has a low voice but his laugh is high and pitched, not really fitting to his appearance.” 

he smiled at his statement, the young woman behind the counter turning around to ask one of her co-workers. the other woman seemed to be a bit older, maybe in her forties, her face lighting up a bit at the mention of jackson before darkening. “ah, that kid. yeah, i remember him, you said, you’re a friend?” 

and jinyoung nodded. “we had met here. been talking outdoors. he isn’t responding to my calls or texts so i thought i might have a chance to meet him here again or- i don’t know, maybe get any other information about him.” 

the woman shot a weak smile at him, apologetic and pitiful as ever before slightly bowing. “i am sorry to tell you but he passed away three days ago.” 

jinyoung couldn’t really believe what he had been told. “he- what? but he said it wasn’t severe and-” 

the woman sighed, interrupting the young male. “he was here because of a tumor, that’s right but it was quite severe. but that’s jackson, i guess, other’s had been more important to him. his whole stay had been full of laughter and bright smiles, so honest and sincere, that you forgot he was actually here to die. i feel really sorry for him, my condolences to you too. he had a huge heart and let everyone in with the blink of an eye. may he rest in peace.” 

jinyoung left after talking a bit more about jackson and how cute he had been, how he had went to see other people every day, asking for the ones who wouldn’t have visitors, playing games with them or entertaining the kids with stories about him being a famous fencer. 

it was true, jinyoung had done a few researches, jackson wang, the report had said, chinese fencer not entering the olympics because of health condition. fencer, he thought, not exactly a businessman. 

and for a brief second he missed the man, he didn’t know him really, he had only talked to him once, for hours, but it felt like they had known for years, for a lifetime maybe. 

and he’s so sad, so terribly sad and sorry that he couldn’t get to know the handsome male better, he’s so sorry for the mother that lost a son and he’s sorry for himself, for his heart that had swelled right then and there when he mentioned how he liked boys and not girls, how jinyoung’s smile had his heart beat fast and hard against his chest, how he had laughed it off, the crimson shadow on his cheeks. 

jinyoung had fallen for him right then and there and he could have sworn that jackson had felt the same. 

but only a few more days until the aching pain everywhere in his body and the painkillers probably had made all those thoughts far off and dizzy, blurred and hazy. and though he knew, he would never see him again, he hoped that jackson hadn’t felt pain, that he had just fall asleep, that he could rest now and life a happy life, hoping they would meet again someday soon, in another world, another life. 

until then, he had to make him proud and chase the dream he was dreaming so desperately. 

-

2016.09.20  
jinyoung: guess what? i made it! i got into the art school i told you about. you were so right about this, thank you so much for cheering me up.  
send, not delivered

2017.02.13  
jinyoung: it’s me again, the school’s so annoying lately, it’s so different from what i thought it would be? i still have to work so much, i quit at the old place and have like four part time jobs now so i can keep living at my place and i’m so stressed again? i really want to talk to you right now…  
send, not delivered

2017.07.05  
jinyoung: vacations. that’s what i needed. a whole two months of not having this whole shit messing with me. i moved the apartment, the new one is smaller but cheaper, i mean it’s enough for me. i’m not home much anyways - you heard right, i’m currently hanging out alot in a fancy café with my new friends. i wasn’t exactly right about the school. the people are great. there is this art student - jaebeom? he is so funny but annoying. he and his boyfriend (some american guy, he is actually a lawyer but without the stick up his ass as one would expect) are super nice. then there are those other kids, a dancer, a singer and whatever the last one is - except a big pain in the ass. well all three of them are - youngjae at least is subtle, the thai boy (his name is not pronounceable, so we call him bambam) and yugyeom are fucking loud and love teasing me. seriously, i’m gonna kill them.  
send, not delivered

2017.11.06  
jinyoung: so we decided to give yugyeom something big for his birthday - we’re traveling to china, all together, probably staying over christmas until new years eve is over. the guys are nice, i guess youngjae and i had got closer since the last time i texted you. it’s weird right? how i told you how annoying that kid is last time and now- i don’t know i guess i’m falling in love.  
send, not delivered

2019.06.25  
jinyoung: i haven’t been texting in forever. i basically just graduated. we’re in the car on our way to celebrate. i am officially educated in modern arts now. i wouldn’t be that far if not for your words. thank you so much again. i really hope and pray, you’re just as good as i am right now.  
send, not delivered

2024.04.13  
jinyoung: i’m gonna marry. can you imagine that i really made that step again? getting engaged? we have moved in together around a year and a half already, the apartment is subtle but really pretty. his little dog (her name’s coco) is the sweetest, you should see her.  
send, not delivered

2026.09.15  
jinyoung: oh. my. fucking. life. holy, i got the offer to display my work in a gallery. MY work! can you imagine? i really am becoming a famous artist! brb crying ㅠㅠ  
send, not delivered

2028.07.05  
jinyoung: we are having a baby, a little baby boy, he is adorable! we met him last week already, they need a bit more time to prepare the whole adoption stuff (this is so much paperwork, help) but we’ll be able to take him home in around one to two weeks. his name’s siwoo, cute right?  
send, not delivered

2032.01.17  
jinyoung: being a dad is a pain in the ass, did you know? why does nobody warn you from the amount of sleep deprivation and that you share, like, everything? oh and your husband is suddenly too busy for affection of all kinds. i still need to get used to all this, i really hope we can make it.  
send, not delivered 

2033.06.04  
jinyoung: due to the circumstances i had to reject offers all around the world. youngjae and i have been fighting a lot too, holy, the whole world seems to hate me. fuck  
send, not delivered

2034.09.12  
jinyoung: we made it. we talked it out (only “talked”, you know), both of us had a shit ton of stress and thoughts piled up… so it’s fine now. i’m currently looking for a new job again, probably something else than staying in the gallery all day or all night. youngjae also started working again, siwoo is now attending kindergarten, he is growing so fast. feels like yesterday that he started saying dad and now he’s a smartass already.  
send, not delivered 

2035.03.30  
jinyoung: so i started working at the art school. i took this special course to be certified as a teacher and now i’m having my own art class. i feel like something about this isn’t right but who am i to complain? there is this kid, his name is hyunjin, he’s following me after class, talking how i’m his role model- help please, i can’t raise my child properly, how am i supposed to be a good role model?!  
send, not delivered

2035.07.12  
jinyoung: so we’re currently visiting mark and jaebeom and their twins in l.a. it’s nice over here, the beach is hella full and the weather is terribly warm. i am happy i can fly back to seoul in a week, yet again i missed my best friend (yes, jaebeom and i had grown to be very close during the time at art school. it’s been almost twenty years, i am getting old). yugyeom and bambam are still traveling the world, let’s see when they decide to settle too, those kids are just as annoying as back in their early twenties…  
send, not delivered

2036.09.22  
jinyoung: i decided to stop. youngjae had been watching this all along, he is fine with it, tells me it’s my way to cope with things but it’s been a while and he is right. i am texting you for way too long now. my son is growing up, watching his father write diary-like messages to a dead friend. i wish to see you again, jackson, i sincerely miss you. i’ll see you someday soon, i promise you, i will. farewell, my friend.  
send, not delivered


End file.
